


things to keep in mind when loving adam parrish

by littlelionvanz



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 14:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1822084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelionvanz/pseuds/littlelionvanz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mental list that Ronan carries as he progresses through his relationship with Adam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	things to keep in mind when loving adam parrish

_When he’s mad at you, it isn't personal_

Sometimes he snaps a bit too hard, tells you to back off _please_ , it’s not you - it's the world. It's those crude looks by the upper Henrietta society. It’s his faltering accent, the dirt under his fingernails. It's working 10 hour days with barely anything to show for it. It’s you making the wrong joke at the wrong time and resulting in him turning away from you that night, insisting that he’s just tired. And maybe he is.

Apologize, kiss his hands, make another joke. One that’ll stick, that’ll make him smile despite himself. But mostly, let him be angry. Let him rant and rave and get it out of his system. If he needs to cry, offer your shoulder and keep him there.

 

_He sleeps on the outside of the bed_

He feels safer when he has immediate exit out of the bed. But it’s not an exit from you. It's years and years of feeling trapped and caged and helpless. Let him have that side; he’s still holding onto you anyways.

 

_He blushes when you kiss his hips. Or really anywhere south of his neck._

He’s not as shy as he used to be when you first started, but that doesn’t stop his chest from blooming bright red and his breath from hitching. You’re on your knees, between his, cradling his rib cage, and sucking bruises on the muscle of his hips. His thighs are shaking and he’s trying not to lose himself just yet.

He’s not looking at you because he’s embarrassed by himself, but that doesn’t stop him from gripping the back of your neck and elongating the word “fuck” in such a way you thought _you_ might finish first. He wants this and he wants you and he wants more.

 

_He cries in his sleep. Don’t wake him up. Sing him a song._

It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s devastating to listen to. Strangled noises from the back of his throat like he’s holding something back - but not the tears that breach from behind screwed-tight eyelids. His fists are tight and he’s dreaming something awful. You wanna pull him out of his nightmare and make him wake. But that doesn’t work because then he’s ashamed and he can’t look at you.

It was only an instinct, but it actually worked. Turn's out those early years of music lessons paid off. He liked that song you both heard on the radio that day, and somehow you remembered it (even though you have a very strict no-banjo policy). Whisper it in his ear, hold his fist until it slowly unfolds. Coax him out of his pain. Steer him in a different direction. When he stops crying, when he’s holding your hand. Don’t get go. Kiss his shoulder, and go back to sleep.

 

_If you buy coffee, he’ll accept without complaint_

He keeps saying that he’ll get it next time, but he never does but that’s okay. Bring him a large vanilla iced coffee for when the days are too fucking hot for anything warmer. It’s down in ten seconds and he’s too grateful to be prideful. It puts him in a better mood.

Accepting gifts are still hard for him, you can see him mulling over that guilt when he’s down to the ice and he says, “You didn’t have to.”

But then you say, “I know that, Parrish.” And maybe he’s finally starting to realize you like doing nice things for him. And maybe he’ll start accepting it. Its new for both of you, so just start with coffee for now.

 

_Let him be gentle with you. He needs it._

When he kisses you, when his fingers are featherlight and agonizingly gentle, keep your mouth shut and accept it. He doesn’t think you’re fragile. He know you won’t break. He needs to prove it to himself. That he’s not like Robert Parrish. That he is capable of soft and languid.

His callused hands are cautious, never forceful. He’s looking up at you, asking for permission and all you can do is nod as he moves further south down your body, dragging his tongue with it. You want to tell him to just fuck you already, but that might scare him off.

It feels good though, _really_ fucking good. His mouth is just above your belly button with his index finger tracing the outlines of your mouth you’re ready to yell profanities. His other hand is cradling your hip and kneading. It’s not about getting off right now; he’s trying to love you, asshole. He’s taking his time, memorizing you.

The tears in your eyes are because of that.

 

_He’s broken, but not shattered_

But no matter how much you want to fix him so he’ll stop being sad, it isn’t your place. It’s hard, but don’t let his pain inconvenience you. Don’t let it hurt you. It isn’t about _you_. Some days are bad, and others aren’t. And that’s what you signed up for.

Being sad isn’t something he can help. Just like the days where he doesn’t want to be touched. As are the days when he asks why you’re even with him- why you even bother. He’ll probably feel better in the morning, remember that. But for right now, he’s trying. He doesn’t _want_ to feel this way.

Remember the first time he kissed you. When his eyes were bright and he was smiling and he was okay.

Now remind him.

 

_This is new for him_

You can’t expect him to happily parade down the street holding hands, but don’t let him shying away from your kiss in public hurt you. His dad probably spewed all that homophobic bullshit in his head since he was little, so this is terrifying.

He’s a virgin and he’s scared. He doesn’t know what he wants, so let him figure it out. Ask him. Guide him. Let him take your hands and place them where he needs.

You’ve never kissed a boy either before him. But you’ve had time to process and understand what - no - _who_ you want. Let him take his time. He’s coming to you, just at a slower pace. Meet him at the finish line.

 

_He’s ticklish_

It's the laughter that takes you by surprise. That one tiny spot behind his ear has him shying away and covering his mouth to stop. He keeps apologizing because he thinks he’s ruining it. You try again, but it doesn’t work. The breathy laugh is warm on your ear.

He thinks he’s ruining it. But he’s just making you love him more. Because Adam Parrish never laughs. And you caused that.

So you move to other spots where laughter bleeds into moans and gasps and that makes you feel just as victorious.

But then your tongue hits his groin and he’s down for the count. He apologizes again, tells you to keep going, but now you can’t help but laughing because all this time you were mentally trying to figure out how to segue into giving him a blow job, and then all you hear is his extremely high pitched noise burst from his chest. You’ve never heard him make that sound and it shocks the both of you.

You raise your eyebrows and say, “Seriously?” and he’s covering his face, still giggling. It's sexy and it isn’t. He’s embarrassed but not ashamed. It’s 2 am and you’re both tired so everything is hilarious now.

You really fucking love him.

 

_He loves you too_

And it’s going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry for the second person pov. I generally try and stick to third, but it kind of made sense for this and I couldn't help but stick with it. It was just easier writing Ronan's voice this way since I was trying to go for an ~internal monologue~ feel.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] things to keep in mind when loving adam parrish](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801888) by [ZoeBug](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeBug/pseuds/ZoeBug)




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